Riesling is a wine seldom seen in a box in the US. This one is available in time for the 2006 holiday season.The fresh taste of apples, peaches, and sweet honey
I just stumbled on this March 2000 item from the Declaration, the weekly newsmagazine at the University of Virginia. In Wine-in-the-Box, Nectar of the Serfs, Patrick Geary and Laurie Ripper waxed poetic on the virtues and lessons of boxed wine. I particularly like the boxed wine haiku, but the reviews of the 5L big-three are truly amazing.There is an inherent contradiction in attempting to discriminate among brands of box wine -- anyone with discriminating taste probably would not pour their wine from a plastic spout. However, as one such brand so proudly trumpets on the side of its box: "More than one out of every eight glasses of wine consumed in America (outside of restaurants) is Franzia Wine-on-Tap." So somebody must be drinking it. Besides us. We know you're out there.
In a feeble effort to justify our poor taste, we sat slumped on piles of empty wine boxes, and explained this statistic to second-year Engineering student Nicole White. Her sharp technical mind quickly saw past Franzia's statistical numerology. "Maybe that's because people who drink box wine tend to drink it by the gallon," she said as she inched towards the oh-so Delicious Peter Vella Red. (Bitch.)
Wine is the drink of the aristocracy -- consumed for its rich flavor, its intoxicating aroma, and its sheer snob appeal. It must be served at the proper temperature, in the appropriate glass, and with food that complements its undertones. It simply begs to be savored. None of this holds true for box wine. We drink it warm, we drink it cold. We drink it out of cappuccino mugs, Holiday Inn courtesy cups, even Snapple bottles (excellent for in-class consumption). We accompany it with Twizzlers, micro-waved fondue cheese, or nothing at all (not recommended). Although it would be near impossible to actually savor the flavor of the wine, we did savor its effects. The box even earned the affectionate epithet: "two cubic feet of fun."
In fact, the box so inspired us that we prepared these extraordinarily poetic (pathetic?) verses in its honor:
A Tribute to Box Wine: An Intoxicating(ed?) Collection of Haikus
Delicious box wine.
Why do you do this to me?
I didn't eat that.
Expiration date?
I know you'll never make it.
Another glass, please.
Oh, black plastic spout,
I can no longer work you.
Give me the damn wine.
Box wine gives new meaning to "fine" wine -- not great, but just fine for our purposes. It is completely satisfactory, totally all right, and 100 percent adequate. It gets the job done without making a fuss -- and for a price per gallon only slightly higher than that of milk. We could all learn a lesson from box wine, but will we remember it in the morning?
The Wine Line-Up
Franzia White Grenache
Price: $8.99 for 3 liter
Alcohol Content: 9%!
Aroma / Stench: Like a disinfected bathroom.
Taste (1st glass): Better than the Schlitz we were drinking earlier.
Taste (5th glass): Better than anything. Ever.
Side Effects:Special Features: "Freshness Assurance" guarantees this wine will never age to perfection
- Complete loss of morals / inhibitions / standards (You thought beer goggles were bad, try looking through a box!)
- Appearance of mysterious bruises and stains
Peter Vella "Delicious" Red
Price: $12.99 for 5 liters
Alcohol Content: 9.5%!!
Aroma / Stench: Grape-i-licious
Taste (1st glass): Obnoxiously fruity (not unlike Patrick after his nth glass).
Taste (5th glass): The name says it all.
Side Effects:Special Features: Includes Peter's personal testimony to wine's versatility and tasty nature. Delicious, my ass.
- Nightmarish visions of Pokemon
- Loss of proprioception
- Marked proclivity towards unfamiliar technical terms
Almaden Mountain Chablis
Price: $9.99 for 5 liters
Alcohol Content: 11.5%!!!!!!!
Aroma / Stench: Transcends description
Taste (1st glass): How am I going to get my nail polish off if I drink the remover?
Taste (5th glass): Goes down real easy (not unlike Laurie after her nth glass).
Side Effects:Special Features: Exciting, yet somewhat frightening, patented twist-n-serve disposer.
- Vomiting things you swear you did not consume
- Banishment from Trax (NOT a strip club)
- Big Lots purchases suddenluy seem "useful," even "necessary"
Patrick Geary is a third-year cognitive science major who drinks like a sailor. Laurie Ripper is second-year psychology and French major who drinks like three sailors.
The Declaration | 2 March 2000 | Wine-in-the-Box
W. Blake Gray says "Hey, where's the wine for guys like us? Well, buddy, I got yer Bargain Wines for Men right here." And to Gray, the ultimate man's wine is Syrah. In yesterday's San Francisco Chronicle, Gray reviewed ten Syrahs, including two in boxes:Because men don't like to run dry, the 2005 Banrock Station South Eastern Australia Shiraz ($18 for 3 liters) gives the equivalent of four bottles of wine for the price of two. The bag-in-box system keeps this wine, which tastes of juicy black currant with some allspice, fresh for up to four weeks, though the only way it lasts that long undrunk is if some overly cautious doctor warns you it'll interfere with your anger-control medication.
Another good bag-in-box value is the 2004 Delicato Family Vineyards California Shiraz ($18 for 3 liters), which has a strong black pepper flavor in addition to blackberries and earth. There's even a hint in the aroma of hot dogs, that classic food of barbecues, ball games and formal dinner parties (at least the good ones).
Turn up the game, grab a burger and bust open Wines for Men
For no other reason than this highly amuses me, I bring you a graph of wine consumption versus violent crime rates. If everybody would just drink more wine we would all be better off. Thankfully, we have Black Box wine, a wonderful invention and great improvement over box wines of the past.
WoWiMo: Wine and Violent Crime - It's not what you think.
Wine to go
December 6th, 2006
Laura Brockman, Associate Features Editor
The act of opening a bottle of wine has become a ceremony to many people, so you can imagine what a sacrilege it must seem to those people to see wine in boxes and bags. But in today's "on-the-go" culture, wine bottles can be very inconvenient and are a pain to attempt to pack for a picnic or other activity. Luckily, some wine makers are able to see outside the bottle and are offering new packaging choices.
Imagine cracking open a cold one while watching the game — only this time it's a can of wine instead of a beer can. Companies such as Barokes (www.wineinacan.com) are offering this option to adventurous wine drinkers. The Australian company packages their wine using a patented Vinsafe process, which involves lining the cans to protect the wine from aluminum and assuring that the wine inside is good quality and can last several years.
Each can holds approximately two glasses of wine, a good size to enjoy anywhere, since you don't need a glass or corkscrew. The company offers six varieties of wines: a Merlot, Chardonnay and rosé either flat (normal) or bubbly.
The cans can be difficult to find, since the concept is fairly new, but you can purchase Barokes wines online at their website in packs of 24 cans at $96 for each pack.
Another convenient package is the juice box. This branched off from the larger boxed wines that are popular. Now you can purchase a single serving of wine in juice box form. The adult juice box makes sense for environmental reasons: the cardboard containers are recyclable, easily decompose and are cheaper to ship than heavier glass bottles. In addition, a juice box can be easily tossed in a backpack.
One company that makes these "adult" juice boxes is Three Thieves Winery (www.threethieves.com). Their "bullet" brand of juice boxes comes complete with witty sayings on the back like "this is what happens when winemakers and engineers hang out together."
The Californian company offers Pinot Grigio and Cabernet Sauvignon in its juice boxes. Again, each box holds about two glasses of wine. I haven't seen these in local stores, but you can purchase them at the company's website at $10 for a four pack.
While on the topic of juice box wine, it is necessary to mention wine in a box. These wines are placed in a bag then placed inside a box. They are a great, inexpensive way to serve wine to a large crowd.
The box has a handle that makes it portable and an easy pour spout. Just because it is sold in bulk and in a box doesn't mean that it should taste awful. One classier box wine I recommend is Black Box Wines.
The box itself has a classic black and gold design and the wine inside is actually fairly tasty. One more benefit of box wine is shelf life — the wines can last several weeks after they've been opened because of the inner bag.
Of course, if you insist on keeping wine in a bottle but still want to travel with wine, many wineries make small, single serving sized bottles in six packs that can be found at the end of the wine aisle. If you want to bring a regular sized bottle along with you, BuiltNY makes a handy tote that can carry a bottle (or three) safely to its destination. Unfortunately, you'll still have to figure out how to package the glasses and corkscrew.
It is important to keep in mind that it is not packaging — or even price— that determines a good wine. A perfectly good wine can be served in a can — what makes a wine good is your enjoyment, whether it is a $100 bottle or a $3 can.
In today's Philadelphia Inquirer, restaurant critic Craig LaBan suffers the wisecracks of co-workers who are asked to join him in a holiday tasting of box wines.Worthy House Wine
- Cuvee de Peña grenache-syrah blend (France; $15.99, available at Canal's Discount Liquor, Pennsauken, 856-665-4202)
- Black Box chardonnay ($19.99)
- Black Box cabernet sauvignon ($23.99)
- Black Box merlot ($19.99)
Party Worthy
- Three Thieves trebbiano rubicone (Italy; not yet available)
- Black Box pinot grigio ($23.99)
- Fish Eye shiraz (California; $19.99)
- Killer Juice chardonnay ($18.99)
- Three Thieves cabernet sauvignon (1 liter, $9.99)
Party Worthy (but only if brought anonymously)
- Killer Juice shiraz (n/a)
- Killer Juice cabernet sauvignon ($18.99)
- Banrock Station cabernet sauvignon (Australia; $14.99)
- Banrock Station chardonnay (Australia; $14.99)
- Three Thieves pinot grigio (California; 2 liter, $9.99)
- Hardy's riesling(Australia; $15.99)
- Hardy's shiraz (Australia; 1.5 liter bottles only in Pa., $9.99)
Plonk
- Sheila's Shiraz (France; five liter, $20.99)
- Fish Eye pinot grigio (California; $19.99)
- Vendange pinot grigio (California; 500 ml n/a)
- Vendange merlot (California; 500 mL n/a)
- Vendange zinfandel (California; 500 mL n/a)
Philadelphia Inquirer | 12/06/2006 | Wine in a box: A taste test
This addition to the list of boxed wines is also a wine that we were drinking at our house in early December.Our cabernet is oak-aged for richness and sports juicy blackberry and plum flavors with a touch of herbal complexity.SuperTarget
